Friday, October 7, 2011

can soemone help me proofread this


can soemone help me proofread this?
World War I, was an event mainly produced by imperialism, which is the ambition of power and property and nationalism, the respect for ones country, Patriotism. These sentiments were most felt in Europe where the social classes first started to reveal for a balanced social structure, since it was divided into high(aristocracy) and low classes. A supporter of these facts was Rosa Luxemburg, a German Marxist and revolutionary for the Social Democratic Party of this period. Luxemburg strongly defended in her pamphlet “The Junius,” the labor communities, encouraging them to fight for their rights and opportunities, to grow economically, and equally as the other classes. She wanted the proletarians to be treated decently and not as exploited “modern slave.” But, because of their traditional beliefs and partisanship of their country, unfortunately the working class did not collaborate for their own benefits. As a whole, she is against the WWI not only because of the causes but also of its effects, such as the endless physical and economic destruction of the territories affected as well. According to Luxemburg, the Bourgeoisie society went over its limits .It became the least confidential system, because their members were the first ones in giving false information to the public. Like in most dictatorship, the rulers tend to control media. They tend to censor books or change the given information that might testify against the government. Basically the bourgeoisie were making the lower classes blind of reality.
Homework Help - 5 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
1st sentence : run on.
2 :
World War I was an event mainly produced by nationalism, which is the ambition of power and belief in the greatness of one's country and unquestioned patriotism. These sentiments were most felt in western Europe where the social classes first started to call for a balanced social structure, since it was divided into high(aristocracy) and low classes. A supporter of these facts was Rosa Luxemburg, a German Marxist and revolutionary for the Social Democratic Party of this period. her pamphlet “The Junius,” Luxemburg strongly defended the labor communities, encouraging them to fight for their rights and opportunities, to grow economically, and equally as the other classes. She wanted the proletarians to be treated decently and not as exploited “modern slaves.” But because of their traditional beliefs and partisanship of their country, the working class, unfortunately, did not collaborate for their own benefits. As a whole, therfore, Luxemborg was against the war not only because of the causes but also of its effects, such as the endless physical and economic destruction of the territories affected. According to Luxemburg, the Bourgeoisie society went over its limits .It became the least confidential system because their members were the first ones in giving false information to the public. Like in most dictatorships, the rulers of the Axis powers tend to control media. They tended to censor books or change the given information that might be used against the government. Basically the bourgeoisie were making the lower classes blind of reality. There. I don't agree with your premise about the causes of WWI. It was more about nationalism, national rivarlies and treaty obligations than imperialism. Also the bourgeoisie had much to lose in the war as well.
3 :
I found at list six mistakes and I didn't even read it that carefully.
4 :
riverotter1968's revision is pretty good. I'd modify it the last paragraph a bit, as follows: Before: Like in most dictatorships, the rulers of the Axis powers tend to control media. They tended to censor books or change the given information that might be used against the government. Basically the bourgeoisie were making the lower classes blind of reality After: Like in most dictatorships, the rulers of the Axis powers tended to control the media. They censored books or changed the given information that might be used against the government. Basically the bourgeoisie were making the lower classes blind to reality
5 :
World War I was an event mainly produced by Imperialism, and Nationalism. The prior is the ambition of power and property. The latter is respect for ones country, and is also known as Patriotism. These sentiments were most felt in Europe where the social classes first started to reveal a balanced social structure, since it was divided into upper(aristocracy) and lower classes. A supporter of these facts was Rosa Luxemburg, a German Marxist and revolutionary for the Social Democratic Party of this period. Luxemburg strongly supported the labor communities in her pamphlet “The Junius,” by encouraging them to fight for their rights and opportunities, and to flourish economically. She wanted the proletarians to be treated decently and not become exploited as “modern slaves.” But, because of their traditional beliefs and the partisanship of their country, the working class did not collaborate for their own benefits. As a whole, Luxemburg was against WWI not only because of the causes but also of its effects, such as the endless physical and economic destruction of the territories affected as well. According to Luxemburg, the Bourgeoisie society went over its limits. It system was not confidential because their members were the first ones giving false information to the public. Like in most dictatorships, the rulers tend to control media. They tend to censor books or change the given information that might testify against the government. Basically the bourgeoisie were making the lower classes blind from reality.